Video One: Hello Citizens!

[lesliemonster]

Hello, Paw – um. Wait a—

[The screen comes up, and the viewer is treated to a lovely close up shot of a single, blue eye. Then a nose, and then there’s the rest of her! Leslie sits at her desk chair, wearing a blue blazer set that she specifically purchased for today. She clears her throat, and smiles.]

Hello. I am Leslie Knope, from Pawnee, Indiana. United States. Planet Earth. [A pause. How cool is this!?] I really admire the work that you all are doing here, and I am so happy for the opportunity to roll up my sleeves and pitch in. Metaphorically. Phorically, I would possibly change my shirt first and then help however I can.

[If anyone needs her to help build cabinets, she has a toolbox – no, Leslie! Stay on topic.] I’ve got a few ideas for upcoming community activities! Now, what is the status of your parks around here?

[Edit: Spam for residents of Level 8: Sitting in front of your doors, you will find a small basket of various candy treats, including several Nutra-Yum Bars. There is a note attached that says:

"A little taste of Pawnee, Indiana. From your new neighbor, Leslie Knope!

P.S. Please don't eat more than one Nutra-Yum bar a day or your teeth may fall out. That is not an expression, that is a legal disclaimer."]

Comments

TAKE EVERY CR I HAVE

[themountie]

[Benton Fraser is just settling down to a little light reading (A Comprehensive History of The Recumbent Bicycle) when he hears the quiet noise outside. He doubts it, but he's sort of hoping it might be Roy Slater: it would be awfully nice if his inmate would stop fighting him so much.

But when he opens the door, he's surprised -- and behind him, Diefenbaker is delighted -- to see an unfamiliar blonde woman, instead.]

Ah. Good afternoon, ma'am. May I help you?

INTO MY BOSOM

[lesliemonster]

[Leslie is equally surprised at being caught in the act. A video is one thing, but decades of delivering leaflets to the citizens of Pawnee has taught her well enough that people can get downright irritable when they think you're invading their home.

She stands up, and looks at her new neighbor. She makes a strangled half noise and shakes her head.

Just...what is with this place? What group of people looks like this? It is like the Sears catalog come to life. It's like if the citizens of Pawnee as depicted in Sweetums commercials actually existed, and weren't just highly paid actors from--

Dear God. It's like Eagleton.]

You're going to be so grateful when you meet Jesse, Leslie Knope

[themountie]

...May I help you, ma'am?

[He's just as polite the second time, but there's something a tiny bit strained about the eyes. He's seen that look before. It's usually followed up with things that make him very uncomfortable, like Francesca Vecchio.]

Thanks for your noodle-like body and receding hairline, Jesse.

[lesliemonster]

[And so polite. She feels bad for thinking that he might be an Eagletonian, but such thoughts are tempered by the very real possibility that he might be an Eagletonian.

Leslie stands up, clearing her throat. She holds out the basket and puts on her very best "Welcome, Neighbor!" smile.]

Yes. You can enjoy a taste of Pawnee, Indiana. [She puts emphasis on the town name. If he is from Eagleton, he will not be able to hide his disgust. She holds out the basket.]

Hello, I'm Leslie Knope. Your new neighbor!

TOO MEAN.

[themountie]

[Luckily for Leslie, there's nothing but gratified (and slightly relieved) delight in his eyes as he takes the basket.]

Ah, well! Thank you very kindly, Miss Knope. I'm not familiar with the town, but I'm sure these... [He glances down. Oh, dear. How much sugar is in here?] ...Nutra-Yums... are delicious.

[He shifts the basket to one arm and holds out a hand to Leslie.] My name is Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP. [He's currently doing the off-duty L.L. Bean look, but that doesn't change his title!]

accurate.gif tho

[lesliemonster]

Oh! [Recognition of his name chases away any lingering Eagleton suspicions.

For now.] What a small...boat. You are actually on my list of people to get in contact with. I’m coming here with a background in Parks and Recreation, and am looking to get a few community activities off the ground. Your name came up as someone who would be able to offer assistance?

I think his head is just... like that.

[themountie]

[Is it Christmas? This is a Benton Fraser Christmas.]

You don't say! I'd be delighted. I've been toying with a few ideas of my own, actually, but nothing all that concrete yet.

Would you like to come in? I could make some bark tea.

;_;

[lesliemonster]

[This is not quite a Leslie Knope Galentine's Day, because Fraser is not a Gal, but she is exceedingly happy at the invitation.]

That would be great. Just give me a second to fetch my idea binder?

[themountie]

[She has an idea binder? He may have just found his soulmate.]

Of course. That's very organized of you. [This is roughly in the same tones as anyone else saying, "That's very incredibly brilliant of you."] I'll just set these down and put the tea on.

[Dief's been watching the proceedings raptly, and as Fraser closes the door, he lets out a bark. Leslie may hear Fraser's voice continue, muffled through the logs:]

Normally I'd chalk it up to your preferences, but I think you're right in this case. [Pause.] Oh, dear. Do you think she'd notice if I used these to shore up the bookshelf?

[lesliemonster]

[Leslie pauses outside of the door, trusty binder in hand. The self-interrogation is a little concerning, but he's easily the most enthusiastic co-worker that she's met so far, so she is going to let it slide.

And even if he is a little crazy, she's seen good ideas come from nutcases! It was one of the Reasonablists who first suggested covering the trash cans in netting to keep the raccoons out.

She knocks one more time, to let him finish up his conversation.]

[themountie]

Yes, well, don't tell her, all right? [Fraser quickly finishes shoving the Nutra-yums under a wobbly shelf and goes to open the door.]

Please, come in. My office is this way.

[The cabin -- a genuine log cabin, complete with hearth -- is more or less one room, but he's set aside a small cubby that houses a desk and two chairs. Diefenbaker is occupying the floor next to the desk, but he gets up, panting cheerfully.]

And this is Diefenbaker. Dief, Ms. Knope.

[lesliemonster]

[Wow. This place has better craftsmanship than Ron’s cabin. Though Ron’s refusal to adhere to building codes or fire regulations may have something to do with that.

She crouches down, reaching out a hand to Dief. Sorry Fraser. Cute animals always take precedence in her heart.]

You domesticated a wolf?

[themountie]

[As opposed to Fraser, who not only follows the building codes, but has most of them memorized.

Fraser stifles a sigh, because this is more or less par for the course. Diefenbaker pushes his muzzle into her hand expectantly and starts sniffing her for further treats. He is definitely getting into those Nutra-Yums, just you wait.]

Half-wolf. But, yes, he's quite tame, and an excellent companion. [And a pain in the behind.] He might be a bit... Well, he has a Hitchcockian fascination with blonde hair. I hope you don't mind.

[lesliemonster]

As long as he doesn't want me to end up like Hitchcock blondes actually do, I'm fine.

[She scratches him behind the ears, and is clearly a lady who has owned a dog or three growing up. She stands up, clapping her hands to get them fur-free.]

Right. So, I was thinking--

[Wait a minute.]

Is that Laura Mulvey and The Bell Jar on the same bookshelf?

[themountie]

Oh, yes. [But, to be fair, Fraser has basically every book on that bookshelf.]

I wasn't sure how long I'd be here, and I seem to have a surfeit of spare time on my hands, so I thought I'd better keep up with my reading. Admittedly, I'm not well-versed on cinematic theory, but I thought she made some interesting points. I'll certainly feel more informed the next time I watch a movie. [This might be in, like, a year.]

[lesliemonster]

She did! I run a weekly Movies in the Park showcase during the summer, and I base a lot of what we pick off of her theories on the male gaze.

[Which is difficult when her movie selection committee includes Tom and Jerry. The people, not the cartoons. Tom just wants to watch this movie about swinging and all of Jerry's selections are Italian. Blech.]

I think that Commander Tucker is going to be showing A League of Their Own soon. Have you ever seen it?

[themountie]

[Sadly, Leslie, Fraser would get along so well with Gary Gergich. At least, until he didn't anymore.]

I'm afraid I haven't, no. If I remember correctly, I was on a post about two hundred kilometers outside of Moosejaw at the time, and, well, that area's not known for being up-to-date on its current releases.

[lesliemonster]

[Who the hell is Gary?

Oh, right. Nope, too distracting. It's Jerry.]

...I have no idea how far that is. At all.

[themountie]

Oh, well, it's around three hundred kilometers northwest of Regina. [THAT CLEARLY HELPS.]

[lesliemonster]

[...huh.]

I feel like if we are going to be friends, we are going to have to agree to not understand some of the things that the other one is saying.