Apology Tour 2012: Audio
Oct. 15th, 2012 11:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lesliemonster[ooc: post is backdated to three days after the Boardwalk Empire-esque flood.]
[Leslie Knope has spent the past three days in a self inflicted cocoon of SHAME. But even though she is now a law-breaking, Jesse-beating-up, moonshine-hustling criminal, and officially one of the worst people on the barge, she still has a job to do, darn it.
She has already apologized to Jesse, but that is not enough. Not nearly.
So she sits up, brushes herself off, and starts to speak:]
I would like to personally apologize to anyone that I may have offended, insulted, shamed, threatened, assaulted, murdered, waterboarded, knuckle punched, chainsawed, belittled, and/or put in a compromising position over the course of the last few days.
[Private to Toshiko]
I am sorry that I took your beautiful, intelligent brain and used it for evil.
[Private to Lua]
I am sorry that I took it upon myself to be your gang's token insane member.
[Private to Omar]
I am sorry that I put myself in the position where I was robbed by you. How are you?
[Leslie Knope has spent the past three days in a self inflicted cocoon of SHAME. But even though she is now a law-breaking, Jesse-beating-up, moonshine-hustling criminal, and officially one of the worst people on the barge, she still has a job to do, darn it.
She has already apologized to Jesse, but that is not enough. Not nearly.
So she sits up, brushes herself off, and starts to speak:]
I would like to personally apologize to anyone that I may have offended, insulted, shamed, threatened, assaulted, murdered, waterboarded, knuckle punched, chainsawed, belittled, and/or put in a compromising position over the course of the last few days.
[Private to Toshiko]
I am sorry that I took your beautiful, intelligent brain and used it for evil.
[Private to Lua]
I am sorry that I took it upon myself to be your gang's token insane member.
[Private to Omar]
I am sorry that I put myself in the position where I was robbed by you. How are you?
[ Voice : Private ]
Date: 2012-10-16 04:07 am (UTC)[ Voice : Private ]
Date: 2012-10-16 04:11 am (UTC)[She says, sounding like she's confessed to a murder.]
[ Voice : Private ]
Date: 2012-10-16 04:12 am (UTC)[Nope, not joining you in the guiltspree, Leslie; join Dean in the Everything's Alright and Nothing Hurts land.]
[ Voice : Private ]
Date: 2012-10-16 04:14 am (UTC)Pliers.
Which I used.
[ Voice : Private ]
Date: 2012-10-16 04:17 am (UTC)So you're primed and ready to go for the Maintenance crew, then?
[ Voice : Private ]
Date: 2012-10-16 04:20 am (UTC)Fingernails, Dean.
Fingernails.
[ Voice : Private ]
Date: 2012-10-16 04:23 am (UTC)[Okay this isn't working, so Dean goes serious for a moment.]
Sweetheart, I was there, I was an agent, I know; but it wasn't you.
[ Voice : Private ]
Date: 2012-10-16 04:26 am (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2012-10-16 05:38 am (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2012-10-16 05:42 am (UTC)All the same. I'm sorry. Also about the hit that I put out on you.
...I put out a hit on you. I've been reassured that it doesn't carry over.
[Private]
Date: 2012-10-16 05:43 am (UTC)You took a hit out on me?
...how much it for?
[Private]
Date: 2012-10-16 05:45 am (UTC)I didn't even offer any money. It was a sort of "do it because I say so" situations?
[Private]
Date: 2012-10-16 05:46 am (UTC)That ain't no hit, yo. That's just an order.
[Private]
Date: 2012-10-16 05:51 am (UTC)If that hadn't worked out, I was definitely willing to pay a lot of money! Apparently, other me had gold and stuff buried in a bunch of strange places.
[Private]
Date: 2012-10-16 05:56 am (UTC)What about-- [Pause.] This so-called hit cover anyone else? Or just the big dog?
no subject
Date: 2012-10-16 08:39 am (UTC)Private
Date: 2012-10-16 08:44 am (UTC)I mean - you didn't do anything. Neither of us did. But my alternate would have been in that line of work regardless of who she was working with.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-16 11:13 am (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2012-10-16 07:49 pm (UTC)She's frankly surprised he's opening any thread of conversation that could lead to Brandon.]
Honestly? I had free reign. You were at the top of my list, but Ben was on there too.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-16 07:49 pm (UTC)Private
Date: 2012-10-16 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-16 07:51 pm (UTC)[Yes.]
But I did, then.
Private
Date: 2012-10-16 07:55 pm (UTC)You didn't.
And if you did, I have to apologise for running an insecure workplace and having the poor taste in boyfriends that got 'me' into the black market to start with.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-16 11:24 pm (UTC)Well, I suppose people won't object as long as you don't chainsaw them again. Or use violence against them.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-16 11:59 pm (UTC)[Says Charlie.]