[Video] I'm Leslie Monster and this is Nightline

[lesliemonster]

[Leslie looks professional as ever, dressed in a bright blue blazer and ready to represent her town, state, country, gender, political beliefs, and world!

...still. There's something beneath that calm, composed smile. Caution, perhaps. Or willingness to poke stupid teenagers in the eye.]

Good afternoon, everyone. I am Leslie Knope of Pawnee, Indiana. If anyone from the Parks and Recreation department or city hall is listening, I would love to touch base!

[Anyone from Pawnee, really.

Except Greg Pikitis.]

Alternatively, if any of you happen to have questions about the barge itself or this rehabilitation program, I would be happy to answer them.

[Unless they are stupid questions from stupid Greg Pikitis.]

Comments

[lesliemonster]

Because I have a google news alert set up for your name, and it would have certainly texted me the moment you died.

[pikitis]

Maybe Greg Pikitis isn't even my real name.

[lesliemonster]

That wouldn't surprise me. It's the only cool part about you.

[But actually, Leslie has seen Greg's birth certificate with her own eyes. During an extensive background search. She thinks it might be best not to divulge that particular piece of information.]

Let's talk about the last time you were here.

[pikitis]

Sure. What do you want to talk about?

[lesliemonster]

[She opens her desk drawer and, sure enough , pulls out a peach pit.]

Do you want to explain this?

[pikitis]

I think if you plant it, it will turn into a tree.

[lesliemonster]

That just shows that proper botany education is lacking in the Pawnee school system. Probably because the librarians keep honing in on the curriculum.

[God. Greg Pikitis probably spends 80% of his time in libraries.

...no. That's actually too mean. Too mean, Leslie's inner monologue.]

This appeared on my desk after the last time we talked. Atop a pile of, among other things, shaving cream and toilet paper.

[pikitis]

Aren't you the one who just said I'm not really here?

[lesliemonster]

You don't need to be here to cause me headaches. It's like a super power, except it sucks.

[pikitis]

I didn't know you thought about me so much. [Yes he did. :) ]